always maybe

It took me forever to talk myself into trusting you
Now I’ve got to talk myself into believing the truth

One of the first nights we spent together you promised me baby
That you would always stay my friend no matter how crazy it gets.
Shut up you. Shut up you.

I think you lie in your sleep
I think you lie in your dreams
I think you lie in your secrets
I think you lie then you sweeten it

So that it blends the taste so much that it’s easy
So much all at once like I asked for this please
You have no idea you’re even lying to me.

And I need an eraser,
I need a fucking eraser.
I was so blind right before my eyes.
You are such a time waster.

I guess your yes was a maybe
I guess no worries baby your always was occasionally

I guess your always, MAY be.

But, please blur my days or somehow help me wake up
You made these stars climb my walls alongside the cracked picture frame hanging up
The harder you love the harder you fall,
Strange I was so easily convinced I could fall at all

Gave it my best shot. Gave it my whole heart.
Asked you for a little I asked you for simple shit
You made love you were not in
I fell in love with you … you win.

Your love was a crapshoot. Your “I love you” was a floop.
I think another Ashley has been in my shoes.
Not hearing from you is all bad blues.
No news is bad news.

I guess your yes was a maybe
I guess no worries baby your always was occasionally

I guess I would have always loved you more than what your share was
I guess I’m so upset because you could have been upfront

Didn’t ask you for swirls of magician work or,
Anymore than you’d originally given before,
You’re not that damn busy in the whole damn world,
Not for your favorite girl. Not for your favorite girl

You thought that you could make me happy,
Not exactly. Not in fact at all.
You can’t love someone with absence.
You’re the root canal actually.

Can’t say I regret it; your bite is recluse.
Fun is all you were… Everything else excused.
You could have said good bye almost, maybe.
You could have at least told me you were giving up baby.
Instead you no show—you’re A- Wall, No call—
You got no balls and I can’t believe this is the person you are.

Your kisses now casual
The phone tag more absent.
I already asked you the right way—
I shouldn’t have to ask again.

I keep trying to laugh you off but the funny part isn’t happening.

Like black tea unsweetened and permanent hurt
You resent me because you know my pussy’s the best shit on earth

I don’t wish you well.
You made my light pink pitch black
Make sure you remember there’s no breadcrumbs back
Make sure you remember to kiss my ass.

Because my maybe is always. And my always is as is.

without warning

i am going to stop saying what i will do
and just do what i've been telling his hard-headed ass...
now there won't be any prerequisites,
just consequences.

Dysphoric

Loves me like not as much as carnations not quite right in the psyche
But he might be so my hope is still a twinge in my tummy
Cause you yummier without all the ilk in the spilt milk that comes with love.

I forgot to brainstorm and look what ad lib did.
Woked up in your listening kissing your arms wishing I wouldn’t miss you in five minutes
Staring at a greatmorning that makes me make up shit
Wanting to do nothing but sit in your layover,
please let your layover in LA be longer than a day okay?

We’ve been sleeping together in my dreams for so long
Honey, I can’t believe you just caught on

The last time I dipped my lips in a kiss like that and I’m still not over it.
Where have you been all my life and where are you going?

Going… going… gone

Don’t look up too fast I might see tomorrow
Don’t dare ask yesterday I might not wanna know
.You do however give me a beautiful glow.

No blush… indirectly asking you for your ever
YOUR PRESSURE MAKES ME PLEASE
You impose upon me and I crave you
Like pErChAnCe us meander in chance luck
Perhaps our confections coincidental
Your sugarplums are mental
And I dreamt this all up instrumental
In a bubblebath where it was simple.simple. simple.

Which would be all nice but I remember too much

Like when you put that hush in my eyes ‘cause I couldn’t stop the morning
Cause your eyes said good-bye in a dull why

-put on your backpack like you’ve got business …
and I know this and I knew this but-
couldn’t stop its’ annoyance nor ignore it
so it just has me dysphoric.

just for right now

Just for right now, I love you.

On my tippy toes.
Indifferent on pivot and hinged
Parched for you
Heart fleeting
Like a thirsty summer
Making emotionless faces you read well
Just for right now, you can tell,
Just right here,
Just in this moment,
I am sure that I love you.

Tomorrow’s uncaring to you.
I can’t see what you don’t dare.

But the way the sun shines through the shutters shutterflies shine your sleepyface honeybutter
Sleeping next to you is wonderful. No stutter.

As I’m pretending it isn’t going to fade.
As if temporary makes it better.
The smell of your whatever.

The pecks I can never get enough of
The comfort of our snuggle
The bitter arrogance and opposing enchantment so opposite my antics
That I’m scrapbooking stickers and colorful overlays and stamps
We’re oilwater whence comes lava lamps

You can superimpose any given moment and just for right now in this glow of hope or hopeless…
I will dream it lasts when it won’t though

Just for now; you’re ornamental.

When you smother your face in my…
When you try and it’s short-lived
When we talk about the past and you deny me whole futures
When I try to be patient but useless is useless

You’re Edward, I’m Bella.

You suck the air out of my chest and replace it with feathers that tickle to death
And just for right now – there’s nothing else.
I can cross my fingers pinky swear and
Play your words on repeat on repeat,
Ready but unready for the love in question.

Only to guess what?

You know like a guess what I’m wasting?

When you’re deep in slumber I’m restless and waiting.

Guess what grey area?

I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
I get what you were saying when I said I miss you --and you said “already?”

You were telling me to love you temporarily.

But I already love you invariably.

You were telling me to love you erratically when I already love you perpetually.
You were telling me to love you for now.

When who am I kidding?
Are you fucking kidding me?

I already love you unbearably.



“I’m no fool. I’m naïve and I like to believe what I want to believe but I’m no damn fool.”- lalanii