"How nice i feel numb


My answers are always NO.

I paint on colorful little faces

i drown out neon and think you're erasable


so that i don't have to deal with the fact that I've smothered myself in your Krazy glue


suckled your hello


held my breath for your text messages

and now i don't have anything left.

there isn't any of me there"

-lalanii

Thank you

Thank you.

For taking more than advantage would.

You mr. Fainthearted

To say you’d love me but didn’t mean to hurt me

To promise me you’d like me

But barely have the heart to dream that big

You were the first person I’d wake of

I stumbled for you

Yea huh.

Thank you.

For tip toeing to the last lap then dashing through the finish line

Then o so conveniently saying I’m not ready good bye

Thanks a lot.

I like people that do different things than they say

Thank you I liked you so much more than I think you let yourself think

Thank you the truth hurts…

But at least I didn’t get to see the part where you add -on ecliptic liar and jinx too

Thanks for showing me the real you.

I showed a bit off my *ss too.

Thanks for being a big boy and telling me how you felt

And making lost promises you didn’t make or help

Thanks I was in denial about how you actually kept me

Warmer in the cold and colder in the warm

So much for that balance you were looking for

You evidently didn’t need my hand to find your way

Thank you for playing me so fresh and so clean

I can do nothing but smile in between typeset Whitney medium

Because I am so quick to give my heart to

So quick to lend my mouth to

So swift to be swept

That I didn’t even realize that before you came you left

Thank you for getting my hopes up when I shouldn’t have.

For hurting my feelings and saying sorry like it’s better now.

Thank you Thank you Thank you

For being the wimp when you should have stayed around

Thank you for being quiet when you should have stood out

Thank you for presuming you didn’t break my heart

And for NOT having the heart to SAY it sooner say it louder

Whisper in my ear; you want me and you need me and you only need me to need you

How come you weren’t the man I thought you were in my dream on the floating cloud?

No thank you for not being so neon when you were so welcome to what you didn’t think you were welcome to.

Now I see why she left you.

It wasn’t just because you cheated, boo.

You tell me you’re going to be honest but honesty knew better days before too late

You were selfish and I am humiliated and if I don’t see you again that will be far too soon

For me because the truth is I miss you already I put myself out on a very thin limb for you

So thank you

For letting me fall when you flew.

Phew.

words won't do justice

tickle me

You tickle.

one glance I’m googly.
i squirm squeamish
i squiggle giggle box
i hopscotch
to your rhythm
we flirt like sweat
When you can’t help it
i skip. Skidaddle
you whistle whispers in my ear.
it’s simple.
i’m ticklish
i snicker when we snuggle
your sweet smile smothers me
you tickle honeybee, yea.
I probably wanna be your cinnamon bunnie
But I’m not trynna sprinkle cinnamon all in the honey
‘cause it might spoil the fun if we run
but I daydream
yea- I daydream days away
i daydream dandy candies and doodle
where I’m the sparkler
you ogle> I blush

it’s skittish I flitter I’m fickle we fiddle
around in the dark then come
sparks rockets and pinwheels
flutterbies and wind chills
hot air balloons, helium and swoons
you tickle
like laughter in love with riddles
like mornings that woke up
with crystallized kisses
and bathtubs overflow
fantasizing about fantastic
about fabulous love making like fanatics
until the bathroom is flooded… whoe.

Tickling like those natural air brush byes
my cheekbone asks you nearer
my eyes shy
my mouth dry
my throat chokes
my heart’s thumping
like I’m jumping and
your tickles ache in ways musings justify stares off into space

you make me extremely ticklish
first item wish list
you’re sweet in a neat way
you skip in my feet
you swing in my dreams
you hiccup my hysteria
come pry open Pandora

c’mon you coax me with careful
catapulting me to clandestine comas
calling it candy coated coercing
you court me.
it tickles.
we conversed 9 hours.
first date.
we said good night a few times; it’s getting late.
but the bottom line is;
but the problem persists,
neither of us wanna leave
neither one of us wanna split
‘cause we’re drawn like sugar fixes
so bad we can’t sit still.

so tickle me.
tickle me tickle me.
I DARE YOU.

i kid you not

i kid you not

i’m probably gonna love you til the day I stop.

and the worse you’d treat me the more I’ll truly miss what little glimpse of boisterously ballistic trickery
come here come closer hello again rollercoaster I’m ready to put my hands up at the cost of crying myself to bed when I tell you I just wanted to lay down so you could hold me instead
i’ll miss your worthless for all it’s worth is better than the rose gold you would never be able to afford
to buy me, but I’ve never really been into that kindove flashy guy
yea; I’ll probably cry a lot. That. I can kid you not.

because you weren’t what I thought and that could hurt a person a lot.
and I erased every message you never left,
‘cause the reality is I’d be better off loving myself
than counting on how empty your interval is.

You was just killin time not to mention I was a good lay.

and it’ll be pretty hard because because because I was for real, you were for play.
and I’m seeing through everything and plastic doesn’t break
as easily as glass, but I fell on my ass and I’ve shattered…
you’re recycling plastic you bastard of some sort of hard covered shell
you got a nasty habit of choices
but I have one detrimental countertransference
and she said I’m sorry you’re going to have to be still.

Unbeknownst to me I never learned how to chill.
And there was simplicity in the things I’d overhear.
There was a comfort in something I’d hope for until I realized that hope was unfair
To the fact that I could pursue alternatives that were right here
And I wouldn’t have to hope for an outcome that was already clear.

i kid you not. I’m probably gonna wish I hadn’t gone so far.
-I’d held my tongue or my guns or my ground or my heart was inexplicably soundproof
because the way its red roping itself to my tears is like a choke in the back of a laughter. Cheers.

when you spoke to my fears and you asked them to have patience when
i haven’t liked anybody in years.

I got him all out of my system

I got him all out of my system.

He’s kissed out like Clorox scrumming grease in hard to reach places.
I made love to him enough to feel full and promised myself enough bullshit

…to actually forget that his kisses weren’t kismet but he’s the only man in life I’ve ever liked to kiss
And we could have been just right but he had two left feet trying to decide

And all I really wanted needed craved and desired was the best friend he was trying to be
But I’ve been done so wrong I couldn’t really see that

But really all I was secretly trying to ask him for was to
Baby me baby me baby me… just enough -until I’m not maybe

But timing came in bad reception and his rude ass thought it less upsetting
To speak to muufuckas from who the hell else and ever

Instead of. Except. In spite of Talking to me.

I will say it was immature.

But now I got him all out of my system. Daddy would be proud
That I fell in deeper “like” in 4 weeks than some might in all their life
But now that I know how to bike ride, I have to just pedal faster.

I got him all out of my system
Am I telling myself or am I telling you?
Alcohol=open wound

Call some stupid goon --entertain me ---dance me through this because I’m hurting so bad


Let the chips fall where they may.

They say avoid contact but if… just incase if… flush with water. So I flushed with water.
I had to pull over and laugh and then tears fell like waterspots like he just squeezes all the air pumping out my heart... if there was any air left in there.

Shits still burning still splayed out exploded… I had too much contact… o my god, contact.

I’m all on the table for erosion… so I feel as if, as if… if he can’t come out the box for this
Then it’s probably best he stay all the way in.

But the way we made love was definitely what makes love. And I never asked him a “when”-pinpoint I asked him an “if”-stillpoint. But when he’s with me it’s like he belongs there.

His nonchalance just scares me like hell so I’m just kicking myself in the head for telling a liar the truth like his own wishing well like his own little Ferris wheel at the fair and he’s tactless and blows so many wishes on grass he could easily disappear while I love his laid back at the expense of his brain cells

And I got him all out of my system cause I felt so disgusted and used up when he laid next to me and all I wanted was for him to hold me ‘til pre dawn and say that he’d be there if he will. But he didn’t want to lie to me when he did. So he didn’t.

And I can respect that. It's just hard to accept that. So now I’m getting him all out of my system.
The process is hurting like all kinds of hell.

Care to help?

Talk me through this

I would like you to talk me through loving you

When; the how, especially.

You guard me from falling too hard or too soon

Then you force me to wait my turn –

when we just made resplendent love in a butterfly cocoon

This is not what I intended when I spoke to you

So now I’m confused.

We’re both intelligible people we shouldn’t have to play hookie with hearts or darts

And I shouldn’t be falling apart at the part where I call you to talk and you sound like it’s my fault

And I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.

I shouldn’t be so sensitive but if I weren’t what would that say about my long days with you?

Would you consider yourself then one of the many or one of the far between and few?

Would that say that everything prior-prearranged made me intransigent because

I never could do dating, never could do involved… never could be anyone’s maybe…

All I ever could be; was in a relationship.

So not to ruin your circus. And maybe I’ve gone so far off

You can call me hypersensitive or don’t call me at all…

You can say I don’t take my time or you can say I’m really trying

But to trust you when I’m blind is hard when you don’t speak your heart when you speak your mind

I could choke the little girl in me or I could put her to bed.

I could make attempts at something different but I thought you’d like the real me instead

I could move on to seeing someone safer but my god I’d be bored to death

I could continue like nothing or I could pretend it was just sex to me

But what will I do with the rest of me… with the restless me… with the me that wants nothing but to spend all my requisites on where this will go next when you were probably just receptive to uncertainty and whatever would help add a notch to your belt. True… but these last few days I’ve felt you less and less… and

It’s something that inspires me to write a poem I guess.

And I know it’s just like. Don’t make it more than it is.

Sex isn’t love that I know not to guess

Like doesn’t mean love and love doesn’t equate passionate sex

And just because we talk every day doesn’t mean you’re obligated to whatever this is.

But when you speak to me it fits.

And when you look at me my nerves do flips.

Let you touch me and my hearts thumping thinking o shit.

So I’m asking if… for the sake of time wasting.

For the sake of heart breaking. Game playing.

Call waitings. And all things of imminence…

I want to love you one day so maybe if you see that as ok…

If you could talk me through this.

If you could talk to me talk to me please

I wish he could talk me through this,

Because I just don’t want to wish for a happy ending if

he may not have it in him.