Matterhorn

After Andre Breton’s Free Union
* The Matterhorn is a classic icy peak, a sharp, isolated rock pyramid with steep narrow ridges jutting from surrounding glaciers.


My husband whose hair is like vanilla snow except the color of chocolate asphalt
Whose eyes are glowing auburn crystals
Whose eyes are like canopies
Or canaries the color of sweet beige cranberries
Whose eyes are telling the sun how
Or a giant telepathic ellipsis between just us
My husband whose eyebrows are undressing me every moment
Whose lips are like kissing watercolors
Whose saliva is peach flavored waterfallsss
Whose saliva is an elixir betwixt my treasure pillow
Whose tongue is a swimming dolphin set free
Whose fingers are slivering snails on a park slide
Whose arms are hedges that form labyrinths to get lost in
Whose arms are for my bad days which happen quite often
Whose biceps are solid rock pears
My husband whose collarbone whispers I love you
I can hear it way in the kitchen
Whose chest is the treasure
Whose chest is a teddy bear with a growl
My husband whose breath is an avalanche of determination
Whose breath is my ricochet I plummet into a somersault
…but I perfectly land it.
Whose stance is a callous
Whose stance is a hike with no bridge up too high
Whose hands are body builders’ boulders
Whose hands are kickstands, I meant quicksand on my shoulders
Whose shoulders are campaigns to curb loneliness
Who smell is laundry room powder running over
Whose smell is the melted remnants of a soap dish
The smell of a blushing sunrise and tuxedos in the morning,
Whose smile is my first choice memory
Whose smile is an all yellow blue rainbow
Whose chin is a summer spring glacier
My husband who is brave like white gold.
Whose soul is an envelope holding the letters to our stories,
Made of Jarritos and Pupusas
Made of detours and maps, of candied candlewax and
Whose love is knocking over track stars in ski masks
Whose love is suspended on windowsills and fireplaces
Whose love is my undertaking three lives from now,
two worlds ago, and the ice that melts to water to keep me alive
My husband whose concentration is chess and restless arguing over background music
Whose voice is the mount, no matter who wins,
Whose lungs are the dragon’s calm in and out breathe in and in
My husband whose penis tastes of pineapple peaches and soy milk
sends me flying to hong kong every orgasm since
My legs are perfect origami early every morning
Whose lovemaking creates alternate worlds
Whose lovemaking stills my universe
but shakes this ground.
My husband with so many questions
I have so little patience
Whose dreams are whirling weightless
For him I’d build a snow mountain taller than the Eiffel
He’d slide down the white slurpee wearing nothing but a towel super hero style
My husband whose heart is the size of the Matterhorn
You have been every dream I have been scared to say out loud.

Untitled

took my pen to the past and asked him to take his memories back so i can laugh again.
he told me i had amnesia and that if i ever needed to be reminded it was the easiest thing to find him.

i’m more lost now than i’ve ever been. half of me is chamomile tea, the other half has alcohol poisoning.
there was a nightmare and the noiseless hallway. there was the loss for words and the worthless try.

before my relapse he was doing just fine. before my relapse, so was i.

once he was the pin that held my hair. later he was the reason i was airless.
before, he was a walk-in closet i could hide in there. it was getting hard to believe in love.

my feet are broken compasses. couldn’t find my way back if i wanted to.

only thing i can recall about the way he loved me was the day he was late to my boss’s wedding.
the wedding was ending when his car pulled around the bend.

i wrote over his story with my addiction to the idea that someone else was perfect.
i used to make good use of my time.

Once Upon A Time

you’re about the most improbable impulsive explosion and my body wants your poison.
lord have mercy
this is for the betterment of my economy
hallelujah for my honesty

fling myself into your arms and please please in an all inclusively and inexcusably uncalled for way

baby let’s wing it,

i dream of you. i dreamed that you
you you and i i
went on a bye-bye ride
landed about yay high
still amiss in the clouds nonetheless someplace aways likesay the beach house

and we kiss. we kiss moments to our memories and sparks confetti over an incandescent string of lights
so impractical so irrational and so right

sorta urgent sorta spiteful
simple instinct simple silence

you know me like sign language you don’t speak
habitual with no way out

as if my tears tell the story
in the most ordinary way and it started like

once upon a time...

...and ended with


i need a yes by morning.

Little Lanii

Throwback picture of me as a child.

Lalanii blogs hourly!

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picture credit: http://maluna.tumblr.com/page/4

Dear Soulmate,

when you said we’d be friends forever, pinky swore, kissed my lips to seal it you didn’t really mean it now really did you? i mean be serious.

because my paperweights keep better time
my phone bill never shows you’re mine
and every moment ever i’ve ever missed you is like a distraction from the wrong window.

help me believe in this.

i loved you enough to make you worth it
but then i just felt run over

who are you that evicts me from my own heart turns the plot around and pauses me dead in my tracks for applause and a gaseous nauseous madness night sweats and all?

the one i have to write for when i ought not

the reason i’m nail bitten
the secret to myself even

phantasmagoria

i’d like to run away and cry myself into a baby but
not because i miss you
but because i miss the she i used to be when you were with me
and she has no idea who i’ve become
filling voids with empty toys and whying myself to death?

where is this world of regret and indifference
and why come after you am i left here in it?

in the daymares you taunt me but in a nightmare you kill me
and sometimes i’d rather
or, to erase my footsteps like tracing backwards treading soft and wondrous in how much i claim i don’t love you anymore is just
lovely in a “not so much way”
i’d like to hear your voice is all
but your lips would actually be my fix
and your dick would actually be near unreal
and i’m trying to keep this pretty but i need you in a way that’s silly enough to throw away any chance i might never get for everything you might never be
and call that crazy in a zip up blue blazer and a tie dyed straw hat and clown pants
just to love you crazy
call that breathe and hang up just to love you crazy
maybe it’s that i have to love me enough to love you crazy
or crazy that i love him but not as much as i love you
or rather you call that AMAZING.

waiting for you to do something above rude just to get my attention enough
so i can say it again for the sake of saying it because it’s not going to come true

so i can lie to myself in the way that i lied so much to you

so i can call it as is.
call it subtle.
call it numbing.
call it something.
or call me stupid.

but if my soulmate took my soul away
how do i love anyone new?


Sincerely,

Lalanii